Tuesday, September 30, 2014

October Goals

I've learned that making a bunch of goals doesn't work well for me. Three is my max. Three I can focus on. Three is manageable.

1. Meal planning: We are on week 3 of meal planning at my house and so far I'm loving it. Our evenings run much smoother when there is a plan for dinner. The age old question "What's for dinner?" never comes up because there is a list posted for everyone to see. And only 1 person in the house can't read so that's not really a problem :) I want to keep the meal planning going, I think it will help get me back on the healthy eating track (which also ties into a goal below)

2. Get active: This has been a weird summer in Indiana. Lots of rain, not very warm and it all meant that I am severely lacking in the activity category. Even if it continues to be rainy and not very warm, I want to be committed to moving more. Whether that's outside (all bundled up) or inside with a Jillian Michaels DVD.

3. Spend more time reading: We got Netflix about 6 weeks ago and I feel like I've been sucked in. Not to mention that fall TV is back so all my favorites are back on (Scandal, Grey's Anatomy and the new How to Get Away With Murder) which takes up my Thursday night. We also just learned that A is falling behind in reading and is "on the bubble" for needing remedial help. I want to step up my own reading (I'm 16 books behind schedule!) to meet my goal for the year. And I want to spend more time reading with A so that she can improve her reading skills. We are taking suggestions for easy chapter books. :)

What are your goals for the month of October?

Thursday, September 25, 2014

6 things you should know about me

Jacq from over at Just Jacq has come up with 6 questions for Things You Should Know About Me. So I decided to join along.

What's something new you have learned recently?
I don't have a great answer here so I'm going to say meal planning. It's not rocket science but I realized last week when I had a meal plan that my evenings ran much smoother and I was eating better. It takes a little bit of time but then every day I know what we are having for dinner and have a list of stuff to buy at the store at the beginning of the week. It just makes everything so much easier!

What actor would play you in a movie about your life?
I'm going to have to go with Jennifer Love Hewitt. I was always told I looked like her growing up.
But if she's not available I'll take Jennifer Garner. What's up with me and the Jennifers??

What is your most embarrassing memory?
I've been racking my brain on this one. I'm typically not too clumsy and don't really embarrass easily so this was a tough one. I do recall a time when I was trying on jeans at a store and had the girls with me. They began asking questions and commenting, rather loudly, like "Mommy, what kind of panties do you have on?" and "Mommy, your butt doesn't fit in those jeans" and "Mommy, why's your belly so big when you have those pants on?". The sales girl knocked to see if I need any help, I just ran out of the room and said nothing worked. I didn't buy any pants that day.

How do you like to show others love? Or what is your love language?
I had no idea what my love language is so I took this handy quiz and it let me know! All areas are out of 12. Turns out I am a 9 for Words of Affirmation, 8 for Physical Touch, 7 for Acts of Service, 6 for Quality Time and 0 for Receiving Gifts. Ha and here I thought I liked presents. 

If you were given $100 to spend, where would you spend it?
This is tough. The responsible side of my brain says "Save it!" but the shopping part of my brain says "Get a manicure and some new boots!"

What's a dream you are working towards making come true?
Being healthy and fit. This has been hard on me lately, but I know that it is really important to living a long and happy life. 
Or maybe I should just become Olivia Pope - Scandal's back tonight! :)

Play along - let me know your answers to these 6 questions!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

What's eating me?

Eating has always been something I enjoyed. When I was in middle and high school I could eat anything and everything and still be stick thin. Every adult said "Enjoy it now, metabolism will catch up with you" What does that even mean? I'm a teenager, I'm invisible. 

I'm not the girl who would order the salad to impress the boy. I would down 7 crunchy tacos in one sitting and consider dessert afterwards. I threw myself a little party complete with a bowl of ice cream when I finally hit 100 lbs. I never thought that day would happen.

Then I my senior year of high school, I moved out with my boyfriend (now husband) and ate even worse than before. Take out, boxed food, frozen food. It was all my friend. The pounds started creeping on but it didn't bother me, I'd still rock a bikini. 

I got married and was happy with my body, I was slipping away from my 100lb celebration party but I was still happy. Within 4 months of getting married I was pregnant. 

"I'm eating for two" I would tell myself. "The baby needs more food" I would rationalize. I'm supposed to get big, I'm pregnant. Nobody told me I should exercise. I continued to eat and gained almost 50 lbs. "It's just the baby, I didn't do anything wrong"

I had to have my wedding ring cut off 6 weeks after having A. I was traumatized. Aren't you supposed to lose weight after having a baby? Why was I still 40lbs heavier than I remember being? I joined some ladies at work for a Biggest Loser style challenge. I committed to eating better and exercising every chance I could. I was teased for losing the most weight in the challenge. I must have cheated. Nobody congratulated me, everyone just pushed their failure to lose the pounds onto me - like I did something to make them not lose more weight.

I knew the next time I got pregnant I would take better care of myself. And I did. I only gained 30lbs with J and promptly lost 20lbs within months of giving birth. I still wasn't happy with the way I looked - what happened to that stick thin girl that could eat everything. No bikinis for this mama - ever.

I started running. I thought "this is cheap, this is easy - I can lose weight doing this". Well I was right about 2 things. Running is cheap and it is easy but I wasn't losing any weight. I thought if I pushed myself harder I would lose more weight. I signed up for races. I participated in challenges online and on social media to try and hold myself accountable for what I was eating and how much I was moving. I tried tracking my food intake and calories burned through exercise. If anything, I gained more weight. 

This is where your emotions start to mess with you. This is where the anxiety that you thought you dealt with years ago and was gone starts to resurface. This is where you decide to give up.

Once again this week I'm jumping back on the fitness bus. I planned healthy meals, I ran on Sunday to start off the week well. I need a change. I need a way to stay motivated. I can read all the fitness blogs I want, follow only fitness IG accounts for workout tips and pin all the inspirational quotes that I want to. But in the end it does nothing for me.

Suddenly I'll get inspired. I measure my cereal the next morning, pack a healthy lunch and eat well for dinner. By the time 24 hours has passed, I've long forgotten about my healthy plans. Heck I didn't even work out the day before. 

Maybe my problem is I have nobody to hold me accountable. I'm apparently not good enough to do it myself. I've tried relying on my blog as a place for accountability but let's be honest ... if I cheat a day or 12 all I have to do is not post about it and it's like it never happened. 

I'm not looking for a long list of ways to keep on top of this. I've sort of just decided that I need to woman-up and do it myself.

Here's to hoping that the bus doesn't crash before Saturday this time around.